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Start with an ancient dark spruce the height of a dinosaur, listing dangerously close to the house.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/1700648.jpg?427)
Fill up chain saw with gasoline. Relax. You're a tree climber. It's not the most dangerous profession. It's the second most dangerous profession. (The first is fishing.)
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/2822820.jpg?322)
Put on gloves, hard hat, cleat shoes, earphones and chainsaw. Now, weighed down with all that, go climb a very, very tall ladder.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/2367308.jpg?324)
Make sure your coworkers stand beneath, spotting you.
3.5
Make sure you have trustworthy coworkers.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/7893582.jpg?325)
Rappel up the tree, sawing off branches as you go.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/9284465.jpg?331)
Try to forget that the average chainsaw injury requires 110 stitches.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/6237196.jpg?334)
Because the tree stands so close to the house, you can't take it down all at once or it might land on the roof. Tie a rope to the top and saw the top off partway. Then, tell the team holding the end of the rope to pull.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/124985.jpg?331)
Make sure the treetop falls where you want it. Not so easy when wind threatens to make it (and you) fall backwards.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/2505792.jpg?336)
Keep your work area tidy. Sweep away treetop and fallen branches with a tractor.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/9459235.jpg?341)
Lop off as many branches as possible. When you've denuded the tree, tie a cable to what is now the top of it.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/328999.jpg?354)
It looks like a giant palm tree, doesn't it?
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/8905177.jpg?360)
Secure the cable to truck and tractor.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/3366825.jpg?366)
Congratulations! The tree came down and the house is still standing! Walk the trunk like a conquering hero.
![Picture](/uploads/5/8/5/7/5857967/1205091.jpg?368)
Take away wood to be seasoned and milled. (Miller = 10th most dangerous profession.)